i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
