So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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