as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
