my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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