going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
