he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
