Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
