he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
