Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she woke up with a sticky ear
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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