I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
