There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
