Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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