Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
birth control should be required to get into college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
