I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
