This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
