Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
