I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize