the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
