she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
