Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
