He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
