its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
