There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
