its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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