Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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