addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
