the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
