last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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