ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
