Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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