1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
