Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the high leading the old right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize