Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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