I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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