I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
