I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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