Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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