in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
