and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
