Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it hurts more in the daytime
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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