it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
