this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pants are for mortals
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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