Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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