ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
