can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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