Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize