So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
