I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
