the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
