we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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