I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
