he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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