apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
