dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
