I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and she was petting her beer can
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
