I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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