no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I stole a fireplace last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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