I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
