well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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