I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
