I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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